I’m sure there will be someone rolling their eyes at the title of this post. The fact that you rolled your eyes, might be an indication that you should look at the way you see her and compare it to looking at her for who she really is. You also may want to re-evaluate the way you treat her or see her relationship with your spouse.
There are many reasons that son-in-laws or daughter-in-laws do not get along with their mother-in-law. When researching google, the top reason why a son-in-law or daughter-in-law doesn’t get along with their mother-in-law has to do with the person they married, their spouse. In other words, the son-in-law or daughter-in-law feels that their spouse isn’t on their side. Instead, the spouse takes the side of their mother the majority of the time. Now, I can understand how this can be frustrating. Allow me to show you a different point of view.
Imagine the way you think of your children. How you cherish their every smile. How your world lights up when you think about them. Now, imagine someone taking that light away and giving it back. This is how a mother-in-law sees relationship conflicts. They want their son or daughter to be with someone who gives their child more light, not one that takes it away. This is where feelings that a son-in-law or daughter-in-law aren’t good enough for their daughter or son. How do you fix it? Keep your relationship problems to the people in the relationship, husband and wife, (adult) girl friend and (adult) boy friend, fiance, etc. Don’t get me wrong. It’s okay to talk to your mother about your relationship. However, if you’re complaining to her all the time, she’s likely not to forgive your other half as easily as you do. Therefore, encourage each other to keep minuscule arguments to yourselves. If you need advice or help, she’ll always be there.
Another important aspect of an mother-in-law relationship is knowing your place. You can’t expect her to sit back and let you take over, completely. She will always worry about her children, even when they’re under your care. But just as you have a place, so does she. An understanding mother-in-law will know her place in line. In other words, she will know where her son or daughter’s priorities lie. If she doesn’t, it would be a great idea for her son or daughter and their spouse to sit down with her and have an adult conversation about her involvement in their relationship. She might not like it, but because she loves her child, she will live with it. Be sure to emphasize on how everyone can benefit from the changes made.
One thing that couples tend to not realize is, they have the power to invite people in and out of their lives on a daily basis. They also may not realize that they can set terms for the people in their lives. If anyone has a negative effect on your life, talk to that person. If there is no talking to them, you have the right to excuse them from your life. Don’t ever be afraid to do so for the health of yourself and your family.
Don’t think I am hating on spouses for not getting along with their mother-in-law. That’s not what this post is for. For every “angry” mother-in-law, there’s a complicated daughter-in-law or son-in-law. But, by keeping extra people out of your relationship, it will be much less complicated. You and your spouse are free to forgive each other as many times as you need to, without worrying about that negativity carrying into each other’s families. Lastly, there’s no easy way to tell someone you love that they are overstepping their boundaries. But a mother who loves her child will go to the ends of the earth for them, and she will back off if she needs to. Don’t worry, she’s always there waiting for her baby to ask for help. When they do, she will be there in a heart beat.
I can only hope to be like my mother-in-law. Is she perfect? No. Is anyone perfect? No, but she’s perfect for me. She is understanding. She listens to both sides when we ask her for advice, and she gives it honestly. If there is a problem on her side of the relationship, she listens attentively and adjusts her behaviors as she sees fit. The thing I love most about her, is that she is always there for her son, our children, and myself. She is all he had growing up and I respect that relationship just as she respects the space I fill in her son’s life. She’s not a push-over and always tells it like it is. When crap hits the fan, you can expect to see her in the middle of the situation fixing it. I call her the “real life wonder woman” because that’s how I see her. She is everywhere at once and always knows what to do. I don’t know how she does it, but I hope to be just like her.
In closing, here’s to mother-in-laws. To the one’s who get a bad rep, who might need to work on their attitude, who do everything they can for the people they love, who respects their children’s relationships, who can’t keep their opinions to themselves, and who just want the best for their kids, there’s no one else like you.